Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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