I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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