I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
