I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
