and i looked up. we had an audience...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
