i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
