I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
