Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
