yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
