I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
