everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
