its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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