Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
