my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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