I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
