where am i from again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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