Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
