why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
