So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
