8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
