My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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