he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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