i think my tv is drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
