i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
