If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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