I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
