If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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