i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
