Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
