My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
