i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
