you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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