What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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