The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
