gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
