I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
