Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Jerry, you need to find god
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
