I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
