i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
