My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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