pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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