I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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