New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
