i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
