Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
