So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
