Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
