Pappa wants mamma naked
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
