I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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