Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bring money and cleavage
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Randomize
