I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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