How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
